Thursday, 30 May 2013

The Lady Is A Tramp

So leading on from last week's pre Audi Polo Award romantic dress notions, here's what I actually wore; my take on The Tux... 

Little outfit breakdown: Tux jacket: vintage, bodysuit top: Aqua (good news, it's in the sale; bad news, not in white), cigarette pants: Italian (and worn to death so much, that the bum has almost worn out so I was in danger of showing my derriere. Typically, I did not realise this wardrobe malfunction until I got out of the car, but you can't tell here so, shush don't tell....!), shoes: Topshop (these are so painful that even my mantra of "stilettos stay on as tightly as you hold onto your morals" was put to the test).

It was a fabulous evening, as ever. Lots of air kissing, gossip, clapping so much my hands hurt and once again getting over emotional at the Audi polo film footage. Every year I cry as some rousing tune booms out as clips from last year's emotional plays and brilliant tournaments come back to life on the screens. It's pathetic really.

I need to be a bit more trigger happy with the camera I know, but here's a clip from last year's event so you can get the general gist. 

Credit where credit's due: Images of Polo

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Oscars of Polo Part II

March of the Penguins

I always think at black tie parties, it's the guys that look the best. Yes, most women have spent days in preparation mulling over outfits, buying Another New Dress and spending a good hour in front of the mirror applying more Mascara than an Essex girl sees in a month, but men in tuxedos just look... edible. 

Maybe it's because nowadays, unless you happen to work in The City, you so very rarely see a man in a decent suit. They always seem to be in All Saints t-shirts, dirty whites or hole-y jeans and any-old-shoes. Occasionally a decent watch helps me to recall that I'm with men and not college boys. 

But when there's a ball on, out come the dress shirts and hello, there's a gentleman in our midst. I instantly hope they're going to drink scotch, smell of Tom Ford's Noir and have a gold lighter which they'll casually flip open to light my cigarette. 

So for the Audi Polo Awards guys, don't grab a machine washable suit; don't borrow your brother's and do NOT wear jeans. Take inspiration from Tom Ford (WHAT a waste), George Clooney and closer to home, Nacho Figueras. 

A tuxedo isn't just a suit.

It's Frank Sinatra laughing with the Rat Pack; it's Bond drinking a martini and it's Cary Grant in To Catch a Thief. It's Redford as Gatsby and Steve McQueen looking The Bollocks. It's Clark Gable not giving a damn and George Clooney stealing your casino millions. It's Marlon Brando in The Godfather and Paul Newman looking beautiful. Now who wouldn't want to be a little piece of these guys for the evening?

My basic rules are: 

Wear a slim fit shirt – you players shouldn't have to worry about moobs or muffin rolls so get something that's cut properly
A proper bow tie – you can zip up knee pads, wrap ponies legs in bandages and undo a woman's bra, you can tie a bloody bow tie
And shiny shoes – this isn't the yard now so add some spit 'n' polish to your stamps.

For a more cohesive break down, check out GQ, here

Oh and don't wear a white jacket. You'll just look like a dickhead. Humphrey Bogart was telling Sam to play it again in Casablanca and even he looked a little suspect. And Connery as Bond could almost pull it off but then he also drove a DB5 so who noticed what he was wearing?

Credit where credit's due: The Sartorialist, Google, The Rake,Vogue & GQ

Oscars of Polo

On Monday I'm heading for the red carpet. No, not Cannes; no, not Sundance, I am off to the Audi Polo Awards. 

Held annually at the beginning of the UK polo season, they're like the Oscars of the chukka world and are a great way to catch up with everyone who has been jetting around the globe whilst I'm at my desk watching the rain outside. (OK, OK, I know I've just come back from The States so it's not reeeeeaalllly a sob story, is it?).

The Day Job has just gone to press and it's literally been foot to the floor since I've been back so it's all of a sudden dawned on me I actually have to wash my hair and put on some rocks in just a few days time. Needless to say, I haven't been on the usual pre-Audis diet, but I'm hoping that the remnants of the tan will trick people's eyes away from the squishy bits. We all have these little tricks don't we girls?
So last year I wore this:
Excuse the bomb-site room in the background; it had been a whirlwind change-and-go

But for 2013, I'm thinking Balenciaga, I'm thinking Chaos to Couture at The Met, I'm thinking Ricardo Tisci at Givenchy – all on more of a supermarket rather than supermodel budget. Here's the inspo...

Does anyone know where I can get a lookalike pair of these? They're like porn for feet.



Thoughts on this from Aqua? Watch out Audis...
Now though, it's all about a little less of these...

Credit where credit's due: Flare, Vogue, They All Hate Us, Google