Saturday, 29 June 2013

My Ideal Glastonbury

So, I'm not there at Worthy Farm. I'm sure many of you aren't either, but my Twitter newsfeed is going mad with updates and it's made me a little...erm...jealous. So rather than send bad thoughts and wishes of rain/lost loo roll/food poisoning/getting peed on at the front of the crowd, I decided to just dream up my ideal Glasto. Time well spent.

I would be precious and haemorrhage money renting a luxury yurt/tour bus/farmhouse for the duration. I would have a fridge stocked with water, Grey Goose, Patron and more water. And maybe some limes. I would wear sequins by day and have thighs like Shingai from the Noisettes. Naturally, there would be constant sunshine. I wouldn't just be front and centre as the Stones took to the Pyramid stage tonight, I would be a cool cat hanging with Keef's entourage looking out on the thousands. I wouldn't wear jewellery as my wrists would be laden with more bands and access-all-areas than Michael Eavis. I would have to tell Kate Moss to stop following me around. And tell Alexa Chung to brush her hair. Barbours and leather jackets would obviously be typical Glasto uniform, but fake flower headpieces would be banned. I would hang out at the Glade, round a camp fire, drinking Jack Daniels and toe tapping to some impromptu Mumford and Sons. Jack Bugg would actually smile and maybe laugh. Cara Delevigne would confide in me that her eyebrows were actually glued on. I would bypass all hangovers and the bizarre need to eat a questionable burger. I would have so much energy, that The Hives would look tame by comparison. I would have deep, dark conversations late into the night with my new found friends – and wake up the next morning knowing we'd sorted the world's problems. Chase and Status and their ridiculous lasers would not be scheduled at the same time as The Stones. I would share a cigarette with the Arctic Monkeys and fall in love listening to The xx. I would witness history in the making. And when it came to leave, I wouldn't get stranded in traffic, nor experience the come down of having to go back to work, no I would miraculously wake up in my own clean bed and wonder if it was all a dream. 

How would you spend yours?

Check out the website and register for next year!

Credit where credit's due: Google images

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